Another hard time

I was depressed. I notified employer 1 hour later than I should have. I asked for adjustments. I tried to work from home. I got no sympathy, the pay was late, I got even more depressed. The same day I sent my resignation letter. After that I was sent a termination of employment notice which was immediately effective. They still owe me my pay.

I had to call in sick because of bipolar. I thought I could manage working full time, but the work environment, lack of training, and lack of meaning made it all worse. I was supposed to learn something, but what I learned was disappointment. It happened once again to me to be treated unfairly and I wish this would not affect me so much, but it does. Since Wednesday I’ve been feeling like I am sinking. I have horrible spells of anxiety which are coupled with irritability and tears. On Wednesday I felt again like it would be better to disappear. I am trying my best to keep it together.

I know that the way they treated me is unfair and I know my rights, but I can’t promise anybody, not even myself, that I will be able to actually fight for my rights…I am depressed. I just want to be okay…I am tired…

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Zombie on cocaine

I think this is the best description I can give for what I felt these last 2 days. It happened to me to feel so horribly depressed and elated at the same time. It is hard to imagine how one person can feel like that, but it is possible. It is exhausting, confusing, overwhelming and terrifying.

At the moment I am feeling like I can write 1000 words per minute, but am I going to feel the same in 10 minutes? I don’t know. It’s hard to ride these abrupt swings. I am living in a continuous tension, uncertain what the next moment is going to bring.