What is life if not a magical combination of choice and uncertainty? So many things happened in my life recently. Tears, laughter, mania, depression, love, disappointment, tough choices. I am going in the right direction and that means going through a transitional period. Transition hurts. I am still hopeful and clawing my way up these tall walls life has put around me.
Weekends are quite tough for me.I am supposed to relax but the most I can achieve is to feel like I am floating like a blob of matter into space. I am feeling completely out of place and sleep seems such a sweet and perfect solution. There’s a problem, though: sleep was one of my enemies for a long time. Those days when I was able to do was to sleep, cuddle with my blanket, and the bedroom became my entire world are still haunting me.
I am feeling like I’m missing out on life. There are so many things to do and I am staying here in my lethargic state. I have this feeling that I’m never doing enough and it is terrifying and then I remember that my goal now is getting better, allowing myself to be human, imperfect. Allowing myself to feel whatever I am feeling at the moment.
I remember a conversation I once had with a friend about motivation and life in general. The “conclusion” we’ve drawn is that you can’t force things and we’re not always in control. Sometimes we can do our best, but the timing is not right. Motivation, inspiration, happiness and peace of mind don’t come just because you wake up every day at 5 AM to wait for them.
Patience, my Soul! You’re going to be fine! Until then, let’s keep floating!
Soundtrack of today :Of Monsters and Men – Slow and steady