Decisions part 2 

It’s decided. I am taking time off so I can get the treatment I need and the peace of mind I deserve. It’s hard…it was a hard decision, but I need to give myself credit for being brave and going through this process without having panic attacks. 

I am currently feeling tired. The medication induced exhaustion. Headaches, feeling faint, lightheaded. I am still waiting for my body to adjust to the increased dose of antidepressant and mood stabiliser. 

I managed to reduce the amount of sleep medication. Reading before bed helps me a lot. It feels great to have time to read again. I need this. I also made the sketch for a painting I am going to complete tomorrow, and I also want to improve my digital drawing skills. 

The job situation is still not okay, and I don’t know feel like I am able to tackle job applications and CV’s right now. I need some time…The way I lost my job made me get a lot of anxiety about jobs and employers in general. It also made me doubt myself and my skills. What am I supposed to say in the “I consider myself having a disability” box? Yes? No? Revealing my Bipolar diagnostic made me vulnerable. It got me fired. I need to work on this for a while, to get over it. 

Maybe I am over-sensitive, but this experience was traumatic for me. It triggered a serious depressive episode from which I am still recovering. It made me give up on travelling to a beautiful city beacuse of complete exhaustion to the point of getting catatonic…

I am still here, I am still breathing, I am alive, I will recover.

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