Taking a break

I am home. It was so difficult to leave the bed. I had an interview I should have attended today, but it was impossible. I am in front of my laptop, and as I am typing this I am feeling like my life is just drained out of my body. My soul is heavy, and if life and energy would be liquid, they’d be on the floor, in a puddle, all around me.

My depression started last Friday. I know that usually, for me, the first week of depression is the worst. Even so, I kept pushing myself. I was present, involved, worked on my projects, met people, organised events, went to the gym. High functioning…

If I would compare my depressive mood with having a broken ankle, the situation would be like this : I got a broken ankle. It hurts and I shouldn’t force it. In order for it to heal, I need to rest my leg and don’t walk around as I would normally do. I have to do it, though, so I am walking around forcing that broken ankle. It hurts so much but I can’t stop. I have to function…

That’s what I did. I kept going despite all of this despair and hurt I am feeling inside. I am taking a break now. One day when I don’t have to limp around on my broken ankle. One day, and hope for the upcoming days…

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3 thoughts on “Taking a break

  1. I have an interview on friday and lately every morning, I have panic and feel I can do nothing and scared of going to the interview or taking a job. Then when my vyvanse kicks in and coffee it all goes away. Then the rest of the day I seem to be good. What in the world. I feel your pain . I just wish I had depression without the anxiety. Been there before and did not have problems going anywhere just depression.

    Liked by 1 person

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