Heatwave

It’s been so hot for the last couple of days. After spending a long time in colder climates, heat is just a bit too much for me. I am not being dramatic when I’m saying that spending 30 minutes in the sun can make me literally sick.

I had none of these problems before. Today I overheat so easily. I know that sun exposure should be avoided while on any kind of medication, but even inside the house I have trouble coping. It’s such a pity not being able to enjoy the sunshine before I return to rainy England. I just hope that I can enjoy a couple of days by the pool somewhere in the shade.

Anybody else on mood stabilizers having a hard time coping with the heat?

 

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Overwhelmed?

It’s been a while, again. I wish I could have kept my schedule and post more often. I guess it’s okay like this too.

So, I am in my home country currently and I am trying to relax and breathe. I am focusing on getting better, eating better, sleeping better. At least this is the goal. Of course, I have to get outside, visit friends and relatives, and adapt to how things are working here once again.

Something is not quite right. Maybe it has to do with the rushed way of life we have, Maybe it has to do with the people being fed up with their miserable wages, or maybe it has to do with a lack of empathy everywhere.

Are you able to “feel” your environment? Because I can. I can and it’s making me irritable and agitated. It drains me. I’m not okay with staying inside and isolating myself, but I think that I need to take my time. It’s for the best. Let me give you an example of what one can experience while walking the city streets: sad and angry people, people rushing, honking cars, frustrated drivers, no space to walk normally, to enjoy, to unwind. Maybe I am too picky. Maybe I am complaining, but all this is crushing me slowly. That’s why I prefer retreating here, near the forest, in this modest, small house. I hope I can fully charge my batteries until I have to go and finish my last year of study…

How have you been?

BD and BPD

When was the last time I posted? Too long ago. My life got crazy busy. I am back home for one month before I have to return to studies and give my best. It’s my final year.

Health-wise, it’s been a bumpy ride. Mixed episodes and…something that is called “splitting” and is one of the Borderline Personality Disorder traits. Long story short, I lost friends. I’ve been mean, angry, finding every flaw. I was scared that I am going to be abandoned so I pushed them away, to spare some of the hurt.

I have so many questions about these two disorders. Is Borderline just another form of Bipolar? How do I recognize when my Borderline is showing up, because the irritability and lack of consideration for others can appear during hypomania as well. These comorbid disorders are confusing, draining, and making my head spin.

I read my medical file from my pdoc. There is no clear mention of Bipolar or Borderline. I’ve been told that doctors don’t mention it because they think it’s for the good of the patient. The terms he used to describe my history clearly show that I am struggling with this, though.No labels, just the indications, so my next doctor will be able to understand the diagnosis.

I am home now. I am a bit hyper, but peaceful? I am going to rest and maybe work on a small landscaping project for my flower garden.

I am hoping for the best!