Sometimes

Sometimes I hide

Behind kohl eyes with heavy eyelashes,

Behind cherry lips and fire hair,

Behind the dark curtains in my room.

I hide behind memories and stolen kisses,

Behind brush strokes, colours and French perfume,

In stranger’s beds, underneath cold sheets,

In long embraces.

 

I hide sometimes, but I think you know

That sometimes doesn’t mean always,

That I’ll always look at you with the same eyes

So you can recognize me…

I am here, come and find me.

The soul of the party…or not at the party

I haven’t been here for a while. In fact, I’ve been here reading your posts, but I did not feel like writing. I guess “riding the tiger” took all of my energy. I am constantly trying to find the “in between”, balance. The funny thing is, when I do find it (it doesn’t happen very often) I am not happy with it. I am intense. I will always be intense. Lack of intensity is terrifying me.

I guess I will continue to be the life and soul of the party and then disappear for a while. My friends will understand, I hope they will.

In other news, I am thinking to open an Etsy store and sell my paintings. I am also thinking to donate some of the money to research regarding mental disorders or different non profit organisations. And then this question comes to mind: “Is what I do good enough? Would anybody buy it?” I guess this is a common trait in creative people, always second guessing and judging their own work, being their harshest critic.

I hope to find my courage and just do it. I will leave here a detail of an untitled painting, acrylic on canvass. I think it suits my actual mood. Blue, green and “in between”. DSC_0284-edit-blog

Inspired

What inspires you? For me, visiting new places, especially art museums and art galleries, coffee places, bookstores, historical buildings, forests, fields, lakes…I got a bit carried away here, excuse moi!

Today I visited a fantastic museum dedicated to the work of people with mental disorders. It was a great experience. As an art lover, creative individual and also having a mental disorder, the place was on my list for a long time. Today I felt well enough and capable enough to travel there. I enjoyed every bit of work. I found it special because it spoke to me on so many levels. I could absorb the energy, expression and passion in each one of the pieces.

If you find yourselves in Germany, maybe put this little museum on your list. I think you will enjoy.

When I see art, I want to make art. I used some of my digital sketches as well as one ink drawing I enjoyed so much creating. I put them together in this little piece I call “Complicated Mind”. All rights reserved, all wrongs reserved.

Let me know what you think 🙂

complicated-mind-pnweb

Where is the Art?

I have been asked many times why my blog URL is “theproblemwithart”, but I never post any of my drawings, doodles, paintings or creative work here. It’s a good question. I created the blog when I was in a deep, debilitating depressive mood, as a coping mechanism, as an outlet for my racing thoughts, gloomy thoughts, things that speak to me. It got in  the direction of a blog that is about my experiences with mental illness while being a creative individual.

Under those circumstances, with depression eating at me, my creativity had to suffer. This, and the thought of my work not being good enough, made it impossible for me to post anything here.

As you might know, I have Bipolar type 2. It happens that right now I am in what I call it my “up cycle” and I can be creative. In fact, I have a lot of energy and ideas. Fortunately, the medication helps me not to get too high and makes it a bit easier to concentrate. I am not going into details about how I experience hypomania. Maybe I will in the future, when I will dedicate a post to it.

This is about me and what I do. I call it “my work”, but this too, is a coping mechanism. Expression is liberating. It soothes my soul when I am depressed, it makes my heart smile when I am happy. This is a big step for me. I am going to face my fears and post one of my paintings here.

I find this painting appropriate for my mood right now. Vibrant, warm, energetic, bold. I call it “Fire”. It’s a small, 20x20cm (8×8 inch) acrylics on canvas. All rights reserved, all wrongs reserved, you know.

I would like to hear your thoughts, feelings, interpretations of this painting. How does it make you feel? What does it say to you?de-pus-pe-blog-fire--retouched