I am back (I hope)

I’ve been quiet for a while. I’ve spent my time trying to get back on track with my university work and riding the waves of high and low energy. I am writing this post right after my appointment with my pdoc. I am going to start a mood stabilizer. I was really reluctant to the idea of taking new medication on top my antidepressants because I thought I can control my moods really well…until I couldn’t.

Hypomania is so great, so seducing. Until it gets messy. Until everything is too much. Until you can’t really distinguish the anxiety from the other racing thoughts. It gets too much, way too much sometimes, putting a lot of pressure on one’s body. And even so, this is not my biggest problem.

Mixed episodes and depression are my big problems. Feeling like I am being pulled in different directions, like my body and mind are not synchronized. Becoming totally lost after a while, not functioning.

I am hoping for the best! or better…or at least a bit better.

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